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WhoTheEFFIsThis

This is the transcript for Psycho Kid Gets Arrested.

Transcript

(The video opens with Jeffrey turning the camera towards him)


Jeffrey: (mockingly) Hey there, Juggies: It's your old pal McJuggerNuggets here, trying to lug a bunch of fifty pound fertilizer bags...

(he points the camera towards Jesse, who's struggling to carry bags of fertilizer)

Jeffrey: Hahhaha, look how hard he's trying.

Jesse: Are you fucking kidding me? Could you at least drop the camera and help me a little bit?

Jeffrey: Nah that is you dude, dude.

Jesse: It's like fucking fifty pounds.

Jeffrey: Are you sure they're fifty? They're not like sixty-two?

Jesse: You were supposed to be brought here to help! Not film me and be an asshole.

Jeffrey: I'm doing what I was told!

(Jesse yells unclearly)

Jeffrey: *laughs*

(he turns the camera towards some people)

Jeffrey: Oh my god, he's so fizzed up. Jesse! Leave them alone! Hey!

Jeffrey: (mockingly) Carrying it like a real man!

Jeffrey: Going to lug all that shit.

Jesse: I'm not even going to acknowledge you.

Jeffrey: Not even going to acknowledge me.

Jesse: You know with your muscles you think you could carry some fifty pound bags, pussy.

Jeffrey: Dad told me not to. I think that's what he said, yeah. He said Jeffrey don't you dare pick up any of those bags.

Jeffrey: Jesse has to take all of them to the...

Jeffrey: *laughs*

(he turns the camera towards the people again)

Jesse: You know what this is fucking bullshit. This is fucking bullshit.

(he drops a fertilizer bag)

Jeffrey: Dude you're not even carrying a fertilizer!

Jesse: I'm gonna be a tattletale!

Jeffrey: Ah, Jesus Christ, what are you doing?

Jesse: You asshole.

(Jesse and Jeffrey enter the store)

Jesse: Dad? DAD?

Jeffrey: Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey!

Jesse: Dad, it's bullshit.

Jeff Sr.: What?

Jesse: He is fucking filming me while I'm trying to do work. This is the whole problem.

Jeff Sr.: Put that camera down, Jeez. I told you not to let that get in the way!

Jesse: No, you break one and he has got another one. IT'S BULLSHIT!

Jeff Sr.: Break one what?

Jesse: THE CAMERA!

Jeff Sr.: Oh well what the hell, you brought it!

Jesse: It doesn't matter!

Jeff Sr.: You brought it! Remember you said something about it?!

Jesse: Look, you brought him to do work and I'm the only one doing work!

Jeff Sr.: You only have twelve bags of fertilizer to put on that truck.

Jesse: Yeah and they're fifty pounds and you're sitting in here doing nothing!

Jeff Sr.: Yeah, that's right, I'm the boss!

Jesse: Yeah, and I'm what? Your slave?!

Jeff Sr.: You agreed to it.

Jesse: You stop fucking filming! I'm tired of it!

(he charges at Jeffrey)

Jeffrey: *laughs*

Jesse: (angered) You're lucky!

Jeffrey: (sarcastically) Grrr! I'm so steaming mad!

Jesse: You're fucking lucky! You dumbass smirk behind the camera!

Jeff Sr.: It's only twelve bags of Fertilizer.

Jesse: Why don't you help me for once?

Jeff Sr.: You know how many bags I have done over my lifetime?

(All three talking)

Jeff Sr.: Twelve is not going to kill you!

Mr. Voros: Calm down!

Jesse: I'm calm!

Jeff Sr.: You're not calm!

Jesse: Yeah I am, but this is bullshit. Tell him to work. You just going to let him film?

Jeff Sr.: Cut it out, come on, Get out of here with that, Jeez!

Jeff Sr.: Now look, you are letting the games get in your head. That's all you want to do is game. It's in your head man!

(Jesse yells with frustration)

Jeff Sr.: What ails you?

Jesse: You're really going through that, fucking video games?

Jeff Sr.: Yeah! Something's wrong with you man!

Mr. Voros: I'm going to call the cops! Call the cops! Joan! (Joan is the lady seen behind the window who also appears in SCENE OF THE CRIME)

Jeff Sr.: What ails you?!

Mr. Voros: Come on man, what the fuck?!

Jeff Sr.: Calm it down!

Jesse: (to Mr. Voros) You don't know what he's like! You don't know what he's like!

Mr. Voros: Calm down!

Jeff Sr.: You need help, man. That is what you need!

Jesse: I'm calm! I'm calm!

Mr. Voros: You don't look calm, calm it down!

Jesse: I'm calm!

Jeffrey: Man, all this effort could have been put in to you carrying bags. 

Jesse: I'm sorry, I'm sorry about your store!

Jesse: It's just everyone ganging up on me!

Jeff Sr.: Nobody's ganging up on you!

Mr. Voros: You're losing it man!

Jesse: I'm not fucking losing it!

Jeffrey: There was only twelve bags! (Laughs)

Jeff Sr.: Calm down.

Mr. Voros: Take it outside!

Jesse: I'll take it outside...

Cop: What's going on?

Jesse: Who the fuck is this?

Cop: Get rid of that fucking camera!

Jesse: Why the fuck is there a cop?

Mr. Voros: (to the cop) Get him the fuck out of here!

Jesse: Look I am not doing anything wrong!

Cop: You need to calm down, you need to calm down,

Jesse: I am calm! I am calm!

Cop: Get rid of that fucking camera!

Jesse: I am calm! I am calm!

Cop: What's your name?

Jesse: No you take my Dad away, you have no idea what he has been doing!

Cop: Calm down!

Mr. Voros: Calm down!

Cop: What's your name? What's your name?

Jesse: Jesse.

Cop: What's going on?

Jesse: It's my Dad, he's making me work for him, I'm a fucking slave!

Mr. Voros: Outside, Outside!

Jesse: I'm not leaving!

Cop: I told you get rid of that fucking camera!

(Jeffrey pretends to put the camera down)

Jeffrey: Yes, Sir! Yes, Sir! *laughs*

Cop: Chill out!

Jesse: I know how this shit goes down!

Cop: How does it go down?

Jesse: I play Grand Theft Auto, I know how this works!

Mr. Voros: You gotta get him out of here!

Cop: You need to just calm down...

Jesse: But I'm not going anywhere, I'm not fucking going anywhere!

Mr. Voros: You gotta get him out of here!

Jesse: I worked hard.

Cop: Calm down, Calm down, I SAID CALM DOWN!

(Jesse whimpers)

Jesse: Everyone's ganging up on me! Get the Fuck away from me! Get the Fuck away from me!

(he attempts to run away from the cop)

Jesse: Holy Shit!

(he screams constantly)

Jesse: Ow Fuck! Fuck!

Cop: STOP RESISTING!

Mr. Voros: Get him the fuck out of here!

(Jesse gets arrested and handcuffed by the Cop)

Cop: Stop resisting!

Jesse: It's digging into my wrists! You're fucking digging the metal in.

Cop: GET RID OF THAT FUCKING CAMERA!

Jeffrey: It's away sir! It's away!


(Jeffrey puts the camera down as the video ends)

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